The Difference Between Self-Esteem, Self-Respect and Self-Worth

Below is a short but valuable little guide to the definitions and differences between self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth. I can’t take credit for this as the basic idea is from a professional counselor. I’ve added an idea or two and it is something that is really helping me in navigating self-conception in life.

I believe these principles are relevant for everyone and in addition - below the basic definitions - I have also added some thoughts on what these mean for the Christian in particular (and some Scripture verses). 

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is based on things we cannot control like our feelings (emotions) and the opinions of others. It also involves comparing ourselves to others for better or for worse. Under this definition, self-esteem is not really something we are in charge of but rather something subjective that defines our worth at any given moment. It is doomed to go up and down like the waves of the ocean. Too little self-esteem and we end up in a state of depression or despair; too much and we end up proud and arrogant. 

For the Christian (like anyone else really) we want to guard against too much or too little. As we will see later, it is best not to focus on “self” but rather on Christ. 

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18

“But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” 2 Corinthians 10:12b ESV

Self-Respect

Self-respect is based on your core values and goals and how you live them out on a consistent basis day by day. Under this definition, self-respect is something that remains in your hands and is not tossed about by emotions or the opinions of others. You have determined your core values (i.e. integrity, respect, kindness…) and goals (these should be realistic and achievable) and your self-respect is measured by how you model these even in the face of attacks on your self-esteem. 

For the Christian this means living a life of obedience to God and being Christ-like. The main goal is to love God with all your heart and your neighbour as yourself. Even in striving for these things we acknowledge that it is only by God’s power and grace that we can achieve them. 

“Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39

Self-Worth

Self-worth is based on your intrinsic value as a human being and is foundational to self-respect and self-esteem. Here’s where things get a little tricky though – how do we value our humanity? Some say we are merely an evolved form of animal and nothing more. Some say we are nothing less than gods waiting to find our true identity within. 

For the Christian our intrinsic value as a human being is

based on the knowledge that Almighty God created us in His image and for His glory. It is founded upon the truth that He loves us unconditionally and just as we are. In this we find meaning and purpose. 

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16


In concluding, one could say that Self-Worth is having meaning and purpose, Self-Respect is living out that meaning and purpose and healthy Self-Esteem is a benefit of it all. 

Laurie Boschman and The Legacy of Faith In The NHL

I’m told that Laurie Boschman is a distant relative of mine. That, however, is not why I am writing about him here.  In a sports league that is much more reserved than its peers, Laurie Boschman has played a significant role in blazing a trail for Christians in the National Hockey League.

Whether it’s that vocally reserved culture of most hockey players, a possible frowning upon of outspoken faith in the league or just a more secular media coverage in Canada than we are used to in the U.S. , you don’t hear too much about an athlete’s personal faith in the NHL. The “PDF” ( Public Display of Faith) is a bit more rare in the good ol’ hockey game.

That’s not always a bad thing – it is, of course, far better to walk the walk than merely talk the talk. But as I have begun to research this topic of Christianity in the NHL (both now and in the past)I have discovered a real legacy of faith amongst some of its most popular players.

I’ve discovered that Bernie “Boom Boom” Geoffrion, inventor of the “slap shot” and winner of 6 Stanley cups with the Canadiens, wrote these words at the end of his autobiography:  “Once upon a time I used to believe that hockey was everything. It isn't. God and family come first. Being happy with the Lord and my family is a lot better than winning 500 Stanley Cups! When you are flat on your back the only place to look is up-to God.”

I’ve discovered that Paul Henderson, scorer of perhaps the most famous hockey goal in Canadian history, found his faith in Jesus Christ through a friend who told him he “hadn’t  (yet) taken care of his soul”. After all the glory days Paul says he still felt bitter, angry and discontent and that, after a long struggle with his pride and fears, he said he finally: “…gave my life to the Lord”.

I’ve discovered that Mike Gartner, one of the game’s best right wingers and member of the 700 goal club, was led to Jesus by none other than Jean Pronovost.  Pronovost  (who himself was led to faith  by Atlanta Flames defensemen Ed Kea and his wife) mentored Gartner in the position and  also invited him to Bible studies at his home. Later , on a flight between games,  Gartner recalls that Jean asked him a very direct question  “ Mike, if this plane goes down, do you know where you will spend eternity?”  In the book,  “Toward the Goal” , Gartner tells of his personal experience with Jesus Christ when “In the quietness of my hotel room, I got on my knees and said : ‘ Lord, if You are real, come into my life now and change me.”  

But now back to Laurie Boschman. His story from top draft pick of the famed Maple Leafs, to being in the club’s doghouse , then back to resuming a successful NHL career and now to current chaplain of the Ottawa Senators and member of Hockey Ministries International is inspiring.

Boschman was born and raised in Saskatchewan and later moved to Manitoba where he played for the WHL’s Brandon Wheat Kings. He played 14 seasons in the NHL for the Leafs, Oilers, Jets, Devils and finally, in 1992 , the expansion Ottawa Senators where he became the first captain in team history.  

It was in Toronto though where he had two profound encounters. The first and most important was meeting and getting to know the Leaf’s forward Ron Ellis. He respected the way Ellis carried himself n and off the ice and finally asked him “What makes you tick?” . Ellis went on to explain his relationship with Christ and the guidance he found in the Bible. Not long after,  Boschman prayed with Ellis , believing and receiving the Gospel.  Similar to the fears of Paul Henderson before him, Laurie said to Ellis as he was leaving “Just don’t tell the other players, OK?”.

The second was much more a trial than a joy. The infamous Harold Ballard was the owner of the Maple Leafs at that time and , like a number of other players, Boschman had his run ins with him. After a poor game at Madison Square Gardens verses the Rangers, Ballard singled him out for his “soft” play – but what’s more he blamed it precisely on his new found Christian faith.

“He said I had too much religion, and that he was going to trade me or send me down to the minors,” says Boschman in a Calgary Herald article.

Some would say that a perceived image of the Christian hockey player as being “soft” started right  then and there. But this image is not held by all. Mike Gartner said that his conversion made him more motivated than ever. “I played to glorify God and I played my best. I felt responsible to God to use the talents and abilities He had given me.”

In the same Calgary Herald article, former NHL’er and now ESPN Analyst Barry Melrose says:  “A lot of people in the hockey world feel you can’t be a big tough physical hockey player and be a Christian, but my history of being around Christians is totally opposite. They’re some of the most fierce competitors there are in the world.”

Boschman’s stats speak for themselves though as he is one of only 16 players to have scored 500 points and amassed over 2,000 penalty minutes in a career.

Since retirement in 1992, Laurie has suffered the loss of his first wife of 21 years to cancer. Of this tragic event he says:  “The reason I was able to survive the days, months and years after I got the news that somebody I loved very deeply had been diagnosed with cancer was my faith. That’s the foundation. Faith in Christ is the foundation for any relationship and for anything that happens inside that relationship. Faith doesn’t take away the tears and the sadness, but it gives us hope and provides us with a foundation to keep on going.”

Boschman is now happily re-married with a blended family and is not only the chaplain for the Ottawa Senators, but the coordinator for all the team chaplaincies in the NHL. In regards to his work ( which is in accordance with his role with the faith organization Hockey Ministries International) he states: “We’re pretty low-key about how we go about the business of faith in hockey,” says Boschman. “We understand that some people still have pre-conceived notions. The bottom line is that the chapel program is player-driven, and the teams who have chapel and who offer it to their players have benefited greatly.”

I was recently talking to one of my pastors ( who just happens to be American) and we were discussing the difference in openly Christian players between the NHL and the other three major North American leagues. He said that he believed one of the biggest reasons was team chaplains or rather the historic lack of them in hockey. If this is true then Hockey Ministries International and Laurie Boschman are on to something.

As it stands today there are a growing number of openly Christian players in the NHL including Jarome Iginla, Mike Fisher, Shane Doan, Eric Staal, Ryan Smyth, David Booth and Dan Hamhuis to name a few. They are respected players who don’t just talk the talk but also walk the walk.

Its been often said that hockey is religion in Canada. If that is indeed the case, then perhaps it will be through the legacy of these players, past and present, that other lovers of the great game may just find their way from the religion of the rink to the gospel of the Cross.

“Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath (crown), but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air.” Paul, 1 Corinthians 9:25-26 (ESV)

Sources:

Bernie Boom Boom Geoffrion :  http://www.hockeyministries.org/rwt-blog-44338

Paul Henderson http://powertochange.com/discover/faith/paulhenderson/

Mike Gartner:  “Toward the Goal” by Cathy Ellis

Laurie Boschman:

Calgary Herald Article: http://www.calgaryherald.com/life/Christians+hockey+coliseum+National+Hockey+League+tentatively+embraces+players+religion/8273238/story.html

http://manitobahockeynews.com/former-jets-star-laurie-boschman-twice-blessed/

Wikipedia

More Info on Christians in the NHL:  https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2796219864124063055&pli=1#editor/target=post;postID=1698163683768725397;onPublishedMenu=posts;onClosedMenu=posts;postNum=2;src=postname

Sherlock Holmes : Theist? (What a Lovely Thing a Rose Is)

I’ve finally been able to watch a bit of the BBC’s acclaimed series “Sherlock” and from what I’ve seen it seems to be as brilliant as the critics say. There is one thing that I find puzzling though. From what I have seen it is apparent that the writers of the show have presumed that if one transported the fictional character of Sherlock Holmes into the 21st century he would, without question, be an atheist. 

And I wonder why they presume this. Is it because of the character’s perceived emotionally bankrupt personality? If that is so then it is an insult to atheists. Is it because of Sherlock’s mastery of logic and precise scientific method? If that is true then it is an insult to theists ( who happen to make up some of the brightest minds in the world today).

It certainly cannot be an idea arrived upon by reading the original books. I’ve read nearly all of them and it is clear that the original Sherlock Holmes was a theist. Perhaps it may be argued that he was only a theist in the original works because of the time and place in which Conan Doyle wrote these ground-breaking books. However I highly doubt that as well as Conan Doyle uses that very mastery of logic in his protagonist to venerate the Creator. The best example of this may be found in The Naval Treaty in which Dr. Watson narrates:


"...the authorities are excellent on amassing facts, though they do not always use them to advantage. What a lovely thing a rose is!"  

He walked past the couch to the open window, and held up the drooping stalk of a moss rose, looking down at the dainty blend of crimson and green. It was a new phase of his character to me, for I have never before seen him show any keen interest in natural objects.

"There is nothing in which deduction is so necessary as in religion," said he, leaning with his back against the shutters.  "It can be built up as an exact science by the reasoner. Our highest assurance of the goodness of Providence seems to me to rest in flowers . 

All other things, our own powers our desires, our food, are really necessary for our existence in the first instance. But this rose is an extra. Its smell and its colour are an embellishment of life , not a condition of it. It is only goodness which gives extras, and so I say again that we have much to hope from the flowers." 

from The Naval Treaty by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Colour, Light and the Rainbow ( a Scientific and Biblical Look)

Colour, Light and the Rainbow

I’ve been reading a little about Physics lately ( an altogether new thing for me) and I was very excited when I came across the Electromagnetic Spectrum; that is,  the spectrum of energy-transferring waves from the highest frequency and shortest wavelengths on one side (Gamma Rays) to the exact opposite on the other (Radio Waves).   Right in the middle is what we know as “Visible Light”, and this is what really spiked my interest because I’ve always been fascinated with Light and Colour – both from a scientific perspective and from a spiritual one (i.e. what the Bible says about light -  Jesus said “I am the Light of the world.” And it has always intrigued me that in the creation sequence of Genesis, God created Light before He created the Sun.)

“White” light was originally thought to be the fundamental colour of light until Isaac Newton proved that white light entering a prism is refracted into different colours . The exact colours, in fact, that are in the Rainbow – you know the old “ROYGBIV” we learned in school ( red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet)?

These colours are, in fact, just different wavelengths – red having the longest wavelengths and violet the shortest. The cones (light-sensitive cells) in our eyes pick up three primary colours of light – red, green and blue. All colours we see are a mix of these base colours.

(Note: You will notice that in paints there is a different set of primary colours:  Red, Blue and Yellow or,  even more scientifically accurate: Magenta, Cyan and Yellow - now you know why your printer ink cartridges have these weird colour names on them !)

Back to light and colour now though – prepared to have your mind blown: When you shine one of each of the primary light colours (Red, Green and Blue) against a white wall, at the point where all three intersect you will get…wait for it… white light! How cool is that?

So all of this set me up to start looking at the phenomenon known as the rainbow more closely. I’ve always been intrigued by rainbows ( not as much as that guy on youtube but still..) and so I studied a bit more about them.

Webster’s definition first of all:

1

: an arc or circle that exhibits in concentric bands the colors of the spectrum and that is formed opposite the sun by the refraction and reflection of the sun's rays in raindrops, spray, or mist

When viewing a rainbow ( and there are different types mind you), we usually see seven distinct colours – however it is interesting to realize that the spectrum is actually all continuous changing colour.

Rainbows have been in the fabric of popular culture for a very long time. Whether it’s the leprechaun trying to hide his pot of gold at its end ( and the end of a rainbow, of course, doesn’t exist except optically) or Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz looking for a place “where there isn’t any trouble” queuing  the musical number “Somewhere Over the rainbow”.  

Aristotle was the first to really study the nature of it and Newton solidified the science of it.

But as I said, in addition to the beautiful science of it all, I wanted to see what the Bible said about it as well. In Genesis chapter 9 we read that Noah and his family have stepped off the Ark and God is about to establish a covenant (or promise) , not only with Noah, but with all humanity forever.

The promise is that He will never again destroy the sinfulness of man with a worldwide flood and the sign of this promise? The rainbow. (I realize many will not take this account as literal but that is up to you. I for one, based on all my studies and experiences with the Bible and about the Bible, do).

Gen 9:16 "The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth."

Imagine that – when we look upon a rainbow, God is looking upon it to.

 

As we look further into the Bible, we realize that this is part of a much larger and central promise of the Old Testament  - not to just not destroy the earth by water but , in fact, to SAVE the earth… by blood. His own.  That is what is played out years later at Calvary, the hill of Golgotha, where Jesus the Christ saved the world on the cross. Though, spiritually speaking,  He may have saved the world, it is still up to each individual whether they would believe Him and have His salvation.

Back to definitions for a moment. We have seen the English definition, now let’s look a little at the Hebrew and Greek words.

The Hebrew word qesheth means simply “A Bow” . An archer’s bow or an arc and , figuratively, it speaks of might and power (Gen 49:24). It is interesting that in Genesis God refers to it as “My bow” …“ in the cloud”. Apart from the ninth chapter of Genesis the rainbow is also referred to in the books of Ezekiel (1:28)  and Revelation (4:3 and 10:1)

Now here’s where things get really interesting – the Greek word for rainbow?   Iris.

Now we know this name for the flower ( referring to the wide variety of flower colors found among the many species of Iris. *wik) and of course the coloured part of our eye , “ the opaque contractile diaphragm perforated by the pupil and forming the colored portion of the eye” *wik.

Again, how cool is that? – the coloured part of our eyes was named after the rainbow (and its colour).

What you may not know is that Iris was  also a goddess in Greek mythology who personified the rainbow (the goddess of the rainbow) and acted as a messenger between Heaven and Earth. Iris linked the gods with humanity (reminding me of God’s original purpose in Genesis).

So when all is said and done, the science, Biblical significance, culture significance and etymology of the “rainbow” is a fascinating topic.

In both Greco-Roman and Norse mythology, the rainbow was considered a path or bridge from the gods to humanity.  In light of our Bible study, we see the rainbow as a smaller picture of the way to Heaven and the mediator between God and humanity – Jesus Christ.

Science and faith were never meant to be separated but rather to fuel each other’s growth.  And Light, Colour and the Rainbow is a wonderful example of that to me.

                                         The Rainbow Bridge in Tokyo

                                                                             

Emotional Suicide

Christians and other “people of faith” have often been accused of committing “intellectual suicide” .

And maybe for certain people in certain times this may have been true. However,  the overwhelming majority of Christians have not committed this “intellecticide” . Not just because we have become more intellectually engaged in recent decades but because it’s simply not necessary to turn off the mind. We believe in a God who created the mind, the intellect, reason and logic.

Christianity is, in fact, a very reasonable world view ( and once experienced , I believe it becomes confirmed) . Yes, at some point it takes faith. But all world views do. Some like to pretend they don’t , but we , as the human race in sum, simply do not have the answers to all of life’s questions – be it the origins of life or the endings of life – it is all hypothesis, theory, speculation. 

So all humans, and I do propose ALL, have faith in something.   It may be faith that something IS or faith that it IS NOT – but it is faith.

So my question then is – as a society in our quest for truth -  have we committed emotional suicide? Or are we maybe just “cutting” as it were at our emotions?

If so, how long can we ignore the symptoms of a sick heart?

To be sure, emotions and feelings alone are not a very reliable resource – but I wholeheartedly believe they are an absolute necessity in the quest for truth. Imagine – using logic and emotion! We could get somewhere.


I suppose we could replace the word "emotion" with  "experience" and still be talking along the same lines.  Because after all, a world view must be actually liveable in the real day-to-day world.

I sometimes look at it this way – I can study a famous person from many aspects, I can analyze their words and actions or lack thereof, I can read the tabloids or their exhaustive biography but I cannot truly KNOW that person until I have developed a personal relationship with them.

Until I have let down the guard on my heart and let a relationship happen – for good or bad.  Until we have talked, shared experiences, been in deep troubles together I don't really know that person. 

 I mean even “The Big Bang Theory’s” Sheldon loves his Mee-Maw and desperately wants his consciousness to be uploaded into an independent orbiting satellite to last for eternity.

This paradox takes its form when I hear of one man who exclaimed “There is no God, I hate God.”

We can believe there is no God, but we cannot hate Him at the same time – for that betrays our underlying belief in Him.

I think that if we get down to it -  our own hurts, our pride and rebellion colours our views far more than we’d like to admit.

I guess all that I am really trying to say  is that in this age of Intellectualism ( which is not necessarily bad of course) we may have swung the pendulum too far and forgot that the heart, whether we like it or not, makes many decisions for us. 

Let the heart and mind search for truth in harmony. Let us not be afraid of faith… because we must all deal with it.

Let’s just place our faith well!