As some of you know, Sherry and I recently suffered the loss of our baby due to a miscarriage. We had a scare at 6 weeks but all had turned out well so we thought we might be out of the woods by the time we hit 13 weeks, but alas it was not God’s plan.
I realize in writing this that many many people have experienced similar things and worse. This is simply a tribute to our son or daughter who went before us.
Some may say that a miscarriage is just nature’s way of stopping a life that has something flawed in it and I guess that is one reason. Of course I replace “nature” with “God”. As for the reasons God would do this, I do not speculate too much. There are many possibilities and I have learned enough to know my Heavenly Father makes His decisions with sovereignty and lovingkindness and I’m learning to trust that.
At our 6 week visit when there was a possibility of a miscarriage, we became somewhat frustrated with the comments of one of the nurses. The words of comfort offered to us were that “Its only 6 weeks, its barely the size of _________ (fill in the blank)”. While I understand the nurse probably sees this everyday and was being sincere, the fact remains that it doesn’t matter to us how old or large our baby was – what mattered is that that baby was a life, it was a person. This is what we believe… that life starts at conception, and that it is sacred ( See Psalm 139 at bottom of note)
Something good happened out of this 6 week visit though. Because of the complications, we were given an ultrasound and as we held each others hand we saw life before us… the beating of a heart. The ultra sound tech pointed this out to us even though he was not supposed to and I am so thankful he did…. That moment was a gift from God.
I realize in writing this that many many people have experienced similar things and worse. This is simply a tribute to our son or daughter who went before us.
Some may say that a miscarriage is just nature’s way of stopping a life that has something flawed in it and I guess that is one reason. Of course I replace “nature” with “God”. As for the reasons God would do this, I do not speculate too much. There are many possibilities and I have learned enough to know my Heavenly Father makes His decisions with sovereignty and lovingkindness and I’m learning to trust that.
At our 6 week visit when there was a possibility of a miscarriage, we became somewhat frustrated with the comments of one of the nurses. The words of comfort offered to us were that “Its only 6 weeks, its barely the size of _________ (fill in the blank)”. While I understand the nurse probably sees this everyday and was being sincere, the fact remains that it doesn’t matter to us how old or large our baby was – what mattered is that that baby was a life, it was a person. This is what we believe… that life starts at conception, and that it is sacred ( See Psalm 139 at bottom of note)
Something good happened out of this 6 week visit though. Because of the complications, we were given an ultrasound and as we held each others hand we saw life before us… the beating of a heart. The ultra sound tech pointed this out to us even though he was not supposed to and I am so thankful he did…. That moment was a gift from God.
Our second visit to the emergency room and our second ultra sound was not such a happy ending. It showed that there was no heartbeat, that Life had left the womb. But we do not believe that it was extinguished but rather gathered up by our Heavenly Father. Let me say something here… I know that it is common for people to say their loved one is in heaven – but this is something we know to be true by faith. By the Word of God… this is what we put our hope in. When King David lost his baby he had this to say ….2 Samuel 12:23 “…I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” I take this to mean that David would go to see his son in the afterlife ( and again see the passage from Psalm 139 below).
When it was all over and I was sitting by Sherry in her hospital bed, the thought was brought up of naming our baby ( something I now realize that many many people who have had miscarriages have done). It reinforces the sacredness of that life and brings some peace and closure for the parents. After some thought, prayer and research one of the names we gave our baby was “Chay” (pronounced Shay) . This is the Hebrew word for “life”, and the name was inspired by that moment of seeing the heart beating, strong and clear.
The next week was difficult for both of us , especially Sherry, but the Lord was so very good to us. Our family and friends came out in droves to support us in anyway they could and for that we are eternally grateful. Thank you to all for your kind words, shared experiences and gifts of love. It has been a hard journey but one we have walked with God and those He has sent along… I don’t fully understand how Sherry has suffered from this, as she carried the baby in her own body, but she has been strong when she has needed to be and weak when she has needed to be…. His strength is made perfect in weakness. The male Gynecologist at our second visit pulled me aside and told me that for the woman, it is as if she had carried the baby to full term – he is also the one who suggested naming the baby. My Aunt told me the only way she could really get over the loss was to truly give her baby to the Lord (emotionally, mentally and spiritually) and trust Him to take care of them.
When it was all over and I was sitting by Sherry in her hospital bed, the thought was brought up of naming our baby ( something I now realize that many many people who have had miscarriages have done). It reinforces the sacredness of that life and brings some peace and closure for the parents. After some thought, prayer and research one of the names we gave our baby was “Chay” (pronounced Shay) . This is the Hebrew word for “life”, and the name was inspired by that moment of seeing the heart beating, strong and clear.
The next week was difficult for both of us , especially Sherry, but the Lord was so very good to us. Our family and friends came out in droves to support us in anyway they could and for that we are eternally grateful. Thank you to all for your kind words, shared experiences and gifts of love. It has been a hard journey but one we have walked with God and those He has sent along… I don’t fully understand how Sherry has suffered from this, as she carried the baby in her own body, but she has been strong when she has needed to be and weak when she has needed to be…. His strength is made perfect in weakness. The male Gynecologist at our second visit pulled me aside and told me that for the woman, it is as if she had carried the baby to full term – he is also the one who suggested naming the baby. My Aunt told me the only way she could really get over the loss was to truly give her baby to the Lord (emotionally, mentally and spiritually) and trust Him to take care of them.
I think we both still feel the sting of emptiness at the loss of our baby and all of the dreams that went with him or her. I still feel that kind of “punch to the gut” that hits me every once in a while and brings me to my knees .But we press on and God gives us grace for each day and of course hope for tomorrow. We made a deal with each other that we wanted this to bring us closer to each other and closer to God – and only Gods grace can accomplish that, we continue to praise Him for that.
I was talking on the phone to my mom one day afterwards (they were in Ft. St. John at the time), when she handed the phone to my Grandma, and she said to me with tears in her voice “Joe, I have three boys playing on the Streets of Gold, and now you have one too”. I couldn’t keep back the tears at that point. Not just tears of sorrow but tears of joy as well… for he is with our Heavenly Father and, like David, we are going to him.
Psalm 139:13-16
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
I was talking on the phone to my mom one day afterwards (they were in Ft. St. John at the time), when she handed the phone to my Grandma, and she said to me with tears in her voice “Joe, I have three boys playing on the Streets of Gold, and now you have one too”. I couldn’t keep back the tears at that point. Not just tears of sorrow but tears of joy as well… for he is with our Heavenly Father and, like David, we are going to him.
Psalm 139:13-16
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
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