There are 5 parts to this article.
1)
A small introduction
2)
A brief explanation of the causes of depression and anxiety
3)
My story of dealing with depression
4)
My story of dealing with anxiety (specifically Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
5)
Different ways we can help to treat depression and anxiety
Introduction
I think the first thing I would like to say is that
mental health is everyone’s business. Everyone has a mind and therefore everyone is susceptible to mental illness at times. Whether it is in the form of depression, anxiety or psychosis; whether it is mild or major; whether it is temporary or permanent – it can affect you or someone you love.
I hope my story helps all kinds of people but I am choosing to tell it from the perspective of my Christian faith. This is because I think there can be some extra things that a person of faith has to understand and deal with when it comes to mental health. Society has progressed by leaps and bounds in destigmatizing mental health since I was young and the Church is doing better as well – but there is still work to be done.
I hope my personal story of dealing with depression and anxiety (specifically Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) will help other people going through similar things. Before I get into my testimony though, I’d like to help answer an important question:
What Causes Depression and Anxiety?
There are different types of depression and anxiety (D/A) and also different causes. Everyone experiences depression and anxiety to some degree; however,
it is when depression or anxiety began to cripple your normal daily life that they are to be taken more seriously and should be addressed accordingly.
Some causes of D/A are
circumstantial, that is, based on your life experience. Such causes could include trauma, financial stress, relationship conflict or loss of a loved one. The other kind of cause is more
biologically based such as a chemical imbalance in the brain. In this case, your life could be going wonderfully but you would still feel D/A for no apparent reason. And, of course, D/A can be a combination of these two types of causes.
For me, one of the most important realizations about my own dealings with depression and anxiety was that
I must work to separate the thoughts and feelings that D/A can produce from the reality of who God is and how He feels about me as an individual. God is good and He loves me which is shown by the fact that He both created me and redeemed me. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to make this distinction between God and your mental health!
My Story of Dealing with Depression
It is clear to me now that I have struggled with depression and anxiety since childhood but no one knew much about it in the 1980’s and 90’s. When I was a teenager I struggled deeply with depression but
as a very devout Christian I took it all as spiritual (e.g. spiritual warfare or being chastised by the Lord) - never thinking it might be a biologically based mental illness. I would struggle in prayer with God for hours thinking I had done something wrong.
When I was 18 I had my first full blown breakdown but again I chalked it up to a spiritual thing and the people closest to me didn’t know what do although they cared deeply for me. I was (and am) also very good at hiding the struggle – putting on a mask of sorts so that others can’t see the pain. At this point I have to give a huge shout out to my parents who, though they were probably bewildered and frustrated, never gave up on me. They supported me unconditionally every step of the way and I have no idea where I would be with them.
My next breakdown came when I was in my early twenties. I was still treating it as a completely spiritual problem but this time I learned my first hard-truth lesson about mental illness. It was actually the wife of my elderly pastor who said:
“I don’t think this is oppression (spiritually based)
but depression (medically based)”.
Wiser words may have never been spoken. You see as Christians we often want to put everything into a spiritual box and just pray it away. Am I saying I don’t think we should pray about mental health? Of course not! Prayer is the only thing that gets me through some days.
But even the most pharisaical Christian would be inclined to get medical attention should they break their leg – mental illness properly understood is no different.
After admitting I had depression I began to realize how many others who had gone before me had also suffered with it. Charles Spurgeon, the Prince of Preachers, fought with serious depression and preached on it. Winston Churchill described it as the “Black Dog” that beset him. Another has said it was
“the beast that lay on my chest at night and rode my back during the day”.
Now having said this I have to tell you a little story. I was young but had firm opinions about so-called mental illness and the medications that went with it. This was brought to the forefront one day when I was preaching at my little church in Prince George. I was speaking about the joy of the Lord, I believe, when in my youthful fervor I exclaimed:
“We don’t need Prozac to be happy – that is just a crutch. The Lord alone will make us happy”.
Well apparently that night one of the dear “mom-like” ladies had brought her brother to church and it was the first time in a long time for him. It turns out this man was on Prozac and I had greatly hurt and offended him. Although I still didn’t believe in mental illness or the drugs for it, I realized I had to apologize for what I had said and the way I had said it. So I made the difficult phone call and he graciously accepted my apology.
But that is not where the irony ends my friends! For it was not long after this that I experienced that second breakdown, that my pastor’s wife had suggested depression and for the first time in my life was I was open to hear about it. With an entirely new perspective on life
(I had quite an experience with God – learning about pride, humility and grace but that is another story), I went to my doctor and he had me fill out a questionnaire on depression.
I was finally ready to be honest with my answers and I scored off-the-chart for severe clinical depression. I tried a series of different drugs until at last one seemed to help – it’s called fluoxetine, otherwise known as Prozac.
God indeed has a great sense of humour.
My Story of Dealing with Anxiety (Specifically Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
After this difficult times in my teens and early twenties, I had a bit of a renaissance in my life and was quite healthy for a while. However, there was more to come. About the age of 25 I began to become increasingly anxious and obsessive and soon another breakdown hit me. This time my diagnosis was a bit more specific. As well as depression, I discovered that I had a severe case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
OCD is classified as an Anxiety Disorder and many people associate it with constant hand washing or just liking things in a certain order but there are many forms.
In serious OCD, whatever is most precious to you is what the OCD will attack – giving you unpleasant and unwanted thoughts that won’t go away until you perform some sort of compulsion (whether it be mental or physical). But the cycle of obsessive thoughts is only made worse by performing these illogical compulsions. I won’t go into all the details but the things I tend to obsess over are spiritual things as are the compulsions that follow. It often focuses on the fear of losing my salvation over the tiniest thing and it brings great distress.
I was diagnosed with this while dating my now-wife, Sherry. She experienced it first hand and stood by me all the way. She even chose to marry me having seen what this was like. However the worst was yet to come… after a few months of wedded bliss, it hit me again. The next 2 months were at times indescribably horrible, some of the worst times of my life and now I was dragging someone through it with me. Although not hospitalized, I spent about a month in a mental health transition house. My wife and I made the difficult and (to me) humiliating decision for me to enter this facility. We met with a psychiatrist at this house (who I later found out was a Christian) and she prescribed some more medication.
As my wife left to go back to our rental suite and I entered into my little room at the transition house where I would spend the next month – I broke down in tears and they did not stop for most of my stay there. I can only imagine what my wife went through as I was rendered useless as a husband. I thank God for her so much – her unshakeable faithfulness to me is something I will never forget.
One thing I’d like to mention here is
the difference between “diagnosing” and “labeling”. Many people cringe at the thought of being “labeled” with a mental disease or disorder. However, diagnosing is not labeling – please know the difference. Correct diagnosis can free people because the truth frees people. The root problem is treated and the symptoms lessen or disappear altogether. In contrast, labeling ignores the root problem and only brings the person down further – they often even tend to become more like the label.
Once again when I admitted I had an issue with OCD I began to realize that other present and historical figures did as well including the great Reformer, Martin Luther, and the famed author of the Pilgrim’s Progress, John Bunyan. The ultimate lesson I learned through that time though was simple but profound. God taught me – I would dare say He told me –
“Separate Me from your mental illness. We are not one and the same thing – I am not the voice in your head that is angry with you – believe the Truth, not your feelings or thoughts”.
This was a powerful shift in my beliefs and thinking and it began the process of gaining some victory over this insidious disease.
What Are Some of the Way We can Help Treat Depression and Anxiety?
I want to clarify that I believe in and understand the Biblical reality of both spiritual warfare (e.g. Ephesians 6) and the discipline of the Lord (e.g. Hebrews 12). These things are still part of my life but
the key to it all is properly discerning what the root cause is of your troubles. Only a true diagnosis will help set you free.
So the very first thing a person should do if they are struggling with depression and/or anxiety is to
talk! Find a wise and trusted family member or friend and get all of that junk out of your heart and mind and into the light.
If you are dealing with a more serious degree of illness then I highly advise that you also see a professional such as your family doctor, a registered counsellor or psychiatrist. And if that professional recommends that you take some medication for your illness then you need to know that that is okay.
There is absolutely nothing immoral or unbiblical about taking medicine for mental health issues. Ultimately this is a personal choice between you and your doctor but don’t ever close the door to medication.
In addition to talking and, in some case, medicine, the Antidepressant Skills Workbook suggest these 4 areas that a person needs to look at when dealing with mental health issues:
1)
Doing rewarding activities. We cease to engage in the simple things of life that we normally enjoy.
2)
Taking care of yourself. Sleep, diet, exercise and personal hygiene can all fall into negative patterns.
3)
Doing small duties. We often have the mindset that if we can’t do it “all” or “perfectly” then don’t bother at all. For the person with D/A it is imperative to realize that we must start with small duties (or “Tiny Tasks”) and build on them to get healthier day by day.
4)
Don’t withdraw from family and friends. This isn’t just about being an introvert but rather confining oneself to social isolation. From a Christian perspective, it is important to remember that the way that the “Wolf” destroys the “Sheep” is by separating it from its Shepherd and its flock. Don’t let yourself fall into this trap!
I would also add to this that getting out in nature - God’s creation - is a wonderfully helpful thing. The sun does wonders for depression and if there isn’t much of it around then I recommend getting a professional sunlight lamp for your home.
In conclusion, I would say that for me depression and anxiety seem to be both major and permanent in my life. That does not mean that I cannot live a victorious life but it does mean that I will continue to battle with these illnesses. In 2 Corinthians 12, the Apostle Paul talks about a
“thorn in the flesh” that God allowed in his life to help from becoming prideful. He goes on to say:
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships,
persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
May we all, especially in the Church, acknowledge and began to understand mental health. May we pray for and assist our brothers and sisters who struggle with it. And, using these tools, may God help us to live victorious lives amid the struggle – we know His grace is sufficient!
