The Difference Between Self-Esteem, Self-Respect and Self-Worth

Below is a short but valuable little guide to the definitions and differences between self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth. I can’t take credit for this as the basic idea is from a professional counselor. I’ve added an idea or two and it is something that is really helping me in navigating self-conception in life.

I believe these principles are relevant for everyone and in addition - below the basic definitions - I have also added some thoughts on what these mean for the Christian in particular (and some Scripture verses). 

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is based on things we cannot control like our feelings (emotions) and the opinions of others. It also involves comparing ourselves to others for better or for worse. Under this definition, self-esteem is not really something we are in charge of but rather something subjective that defines our worth at any given moment. It is doomed to go up and down like the waves of the ocean. Too little self-esteem and we end up in a state of depression or despair; too much and we end up proud and arrogant. 

For the Christian (like anyone else really) we want to guard against too much or too little. As we will see later, it is best not to focus on “self” but rather on Christ. 

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18

“But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” 2 Corinthians 10:12b ESV

Self-Respect

Self-respect is based on your core values and goals and how you live them out on a consistent basis day by day. Under this definition, self-respect is something that remains in your hands and is not tossed about by emotions or the opinions of others. You have determined your core values (i.e. integrity, respect, kindness…) and goals (these should be realistic and achievable) and your self-respect is measured by how you model these even in the face of attacks on your self-esteem. 

For the Christian this means living a life of obedience to God and being Christ-like. The main goal is to love God with all your heart and your neighbour as yourself. Even in striving for these things we acknowledge that it is only by God’s power and grace that we can achieve them. 

“Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39

Self-Worth

Self-worth is based on your intrinsic value as a human being and is foundational to self-respect and self-esteem. Here’s where things get a little tricky though – how do we value our humanity? Some say we are merely an evolved form of animal and nothing more. Some say we are nothing less than gods waiting to find our true identity within. 

For the Christian our intrinsic value as a human being is

based on the knowledge that Almighty God created us in His image and for His glory. It is founded upon the truth that He loves us unconditionally and just as we are. In this we find meaning and purpose. 

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16


In concluding, one could say that Self-Worth is having meaning and purpose, Self-Respect is living out that meaning and purpose and healthy Self-Esteem is a benefit of it all. 

(Some) Where I Belong: On Chester Bennington, Jon Foreman and Hope

I mourn for Chester Bennington and his family and I understand the pain of mental illness. 

I remember playing Linkin Park’s “Somewhere I Belong” to the kids at a youth group night at my parent’s house in Valemount and then telling them how there is a place that they belong according Scripture – in Jesus Christ, in community, in Heaven.

Chester Bennington co-wrote this song and you can hear the deep sincere plea for belonging: 

I want to heal, I want to feel,

What I thought was never real

I want to let go of the pain I felt so long (erase all the pain 'til it's gone)

I want to heal, I want to feel

Like I'm close to something real

I want to find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

Jon Foreman from the band Switchfoot also co-wrote a song that I think is in someways (though unintended) an answer to Linkin Park’s song, a song called “Where I belong”. He writes from a different perspective – one of reality and pain but also of eternal purpose and hope:

But I'm not sentimental

This skin and bones is a rental

And no one makes it out alive

Until I die I'll sing these songs

On the shores of Babylon

Still looking for a home

In a world where I belong

Where the weak are finally strong

Where the righteous right the wrongs

Still looking for a home

In a world where I belong

For Foreman his hope is in Christ and the heaven that is being with Him, free from the shackles of this world. I hope Bennington found this somewhere in his life before the end. I hope he has found the healing he sought...




“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4 

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved),and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus… But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.  Ephesians 2:4-6,13

What is the best story Bible for your kids? Try the Jesus Storybook Bible!

If you would like your children to know and understand the overall message of the Bible told in a charming yet deep and truthful way, I *highly* recommend this book. As I read it to my own daughter I feel my heart and mind fill up with new understanding of God's love and the story of the "Rescuer"... If you just can't afford the book right now please message me and I'll do my best to get one in your hands! (P.S. respected pastor, Timothy Keller, was involved in the theology behind the stories).

You can buy it on Amazon.ca here. 

The Human Conscience and the Moral Call of God: What’s the Difference?

It took me a very long while to realize the difference between my conscience and the voice of God in my life. The journey to this realization was very painful and confusing but it has inspired me to research and write a little about this difference and how it affects our lives and our perceptions of God. 

Holman’s Bible Dictionary defines conscience as the: “Human capacity to reflect upon the degree to which one’s behaviour has conformed to moral norms.” 

In his classic work Your God Is Too Small Christian scholar, J.B. Phillips, writes with great insight about the conscience: 

“Now no serious advocate of a real adult religion would deny the function of conscience, or deny that its voice may at least give an inkling of the moral order that lies behind the obvious world in which we live. Yet to make conscience into a God is a highly dangerous thing to do.” 

He then goes on to say:  “Conscience can be so easily perverted or morbidly developed in the sensitive person, and so easily ignored and silenced by the insensitive, that it makes a very unsatisfactory god.”

You see our human conscience, while usually quite valuable, must be viewed as something natural which has been affected, or more to the point - tainted, by the entry of sin into the world and human nature.  It is not (as I used to subconsciously think) one and the same as the voice of God or the Moral Law of God as given in Scripture (*see note on Moral Relativism at the end of this article). 

Our conscience is part of our fallen nature and must therefore be assessed and informed by the Word of God*, the conviction of the Holy Spirit and also by the wisdom of godly men and women in our lives (Proverbs 11:14). The Church Reformer, Martin Luther, stood by his conscience but first qualified that by saying that it was “captive to the Word of God.” He also expressly stated that:

“You should not believe your conscience and your feelings more than the Word which the Lord 

who receives sinners preaches to you.” Martin Luther

When the full weight of this truth came to bear upon me it was extraordinarily revolutionary in my life. I began to see God in a new and loving way – not as the merciless despot that was my conscience. The prison walls that blinded me (so to speak) to the true and wonderful nature of God were broken down and His light shone down on me not unlike it did to Paul on the road to Damascus. Paul’s quintessential question, “Who are you Lord?” came to be answered more fully in my heart and mind - and God was good and kind. It is imperative that the Christian, and any person for that matter, understands that the voice of God is gentle, “still and small” and not obnoxious. 

Again Phillips speaks about the conscience informing us about God rather than God informing our conscience about Him:  “For if it is, God can be made to appear to the sensitive an over-exacting tyrant, and to the insensitive a comfortable accommodating “Voice Within” which would never interfere with a man’s pleasure.” 

We notice that this can go both ways – an overly sensitive person may be coerced into thinking God is a “tyrant” while the overly insensitive may see Him as “Grand Old Man” who doesn’t mind all the shady things we do. I have found myself on the far end of “over sensitive” on this spectrum and have learned about how mental health can affect one’s perception of conscience just as much as “upbringing, training and propaganda” (Phillips). 

I was finally diagnosed with a severe case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in my mid- 20’s and began to learn more about how it affects my “conscience”. I learned that there was a subset of OCD that is called Scrupulosity wherein the obsessive and compulsive thoughts focus on moral issues (as opposed to germs or hand-washing).  To learn more about Scrupulosity click here. 

Now on the other extreme end of this spectrum one might think of a sociopath – a person who has little to no conscience. Some professionals think there is little hope for these people but again there is some evidence that this issue can be addressed through a Moral Law (Like the Bible for instance). For the story of a sociopath (David Wood) who is now a Christian apologist you may want to see this article. 

While those were two rather extreme examples, there are millions of normal people (religious and non-religious) who might fall somewhere in the middle of the “Broken Conscience” spectrum. Wherever you find yourself, I would encourage you to inform your conscience from the outside as well. I still struggle with my conscience (and specifically my OCD) perpetuating its own versions of God on me but I continue to remember the lessons learned and go to logic, the wisdom of others and above all else the Holy Scriptures and the Holy Spirit to be my guides and teachers.




Further Notes: 

*For a discussion on moral relativity vs an objective Moral Code given by God I would suggest reading “Mere Christianity” by C.S. Lewis. One excerpt on the topic goes like this: “If we ask: ‘Why ought I to be unselfish?’ and you reply ‘Because it is good for society,’ we may then ask, ‘Why should I care what’s good for society except when it happens to pay me personally?’ and then you will have to say, ‘Because you ought to be unselfish’—which simply brings us back to where we started.” C.S. Lewis 

*The Bible refers to an overly sensitive conscience as a “weak conscience” (1 Corinthians 8:7 and 1 Corinthians 10) and in Romans chapter 14 Paul discusses the conscience further concluding that: “Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.” (verses 22-23) 

*In the Bible, the insensitive conscience is referred to as “seared with a hot iron” (1 Timothy 4:2)

*We must also remember the spiritual warfare side of this topic. Revelation reveals that the enemy of our souls is called the “Accuser of the brethren”:   “…for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down.” Revelation 12:10. Satan loves to remind us of our past sins and current failings and to rub them in our face. This type of thing is not of God.