Gentle Men: Why Gentleness Makes Us Masculine

“I am gentle and lowly in heart.” Jesus Christ

While the term ‘gentleman’ has historically referred more to being well-bred then well-mannered, today we often see it as a compliment of a man’s character. Indeed, as far back as 1714, Sir Richard Steele wrote, 

“The appellation of Gentleman is never to be affixed to a man’s circumstances, but to his Behaviour in them.” 

However you define gentleman, the Bible makes it clear that gentleness is one of the greatest attributes of a man (or anyone, for that matter). Some men might misunderstand the term and balk at ‘gentleness’ being used to describe them. 

But, Gavin Ortlund, one of my favourite theologians, defines gentleness this way, 

"Gentleness is not weakness: it is strength under control."

As men, we are to protect the weak and vulnerable and treat them with gentleness. As men, we are protected by God and treated with gentleness, because in his presence we are the weak and vulnerable ones. Even the Apostle Paul was compelled to say that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). 

As I get older, I am more and more convinced that the voice of God to us is gentle and kind. The still small voice spoken to Elijah can also be translated as a “gentle whisper” (1 Kings 19:11-13). Charles Spurgeon once preached that, “Softly and gently works the Holy Spirit.” So then, our voice and actions to others must also be gentle and kind. 

If we need more Scriptural proof that men are called to be gentle as well as strong, let us consider these passages:

> Jesus Himself, the God-man, describes his own heart (the very centre of who he is) as gentle and lowly (Matthew 11:29, 2 Corinthians 10:1).

> One of the nine fruits of the Spirit is gentleness (Galatians 5:23).

> Paul taught believers everywhere to be gentle (Ephesians 4:2, Colossians 3:12, Titus 3:2). 

> Paul describes how the Apostles treated the Thessalonians as an exhorting and encouraging father as well as a gentle “nursing mother” (1 Thessalonians 2:7, 11-12). 

> A qualification for a church leader (Bishop, Elder etc.) is gentleness (1 Timothy 2:7).

> One of the characteristics that a ‘man of God’ should pursue is gentleness (1 Timothy 6:11)

> The wisdom from above is gentle (James 3:17).

We also learn that gentleness is required when:

> Attempting to restore a brother or sister to the faith (Galatians 6:1)

> Sharing the gospel or defending the faith with reverence (1 Peter 3:15).

> Correcting an opponent with the hope of leading him to repentance (although a sharp rebuke is sometimes necessary as well - 1 Timothy 2:25, Titus 1:3)

Gentleness is prescribed throughout the Bible including these two proverbs:

“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” Proverbs 15:4

“Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” Proverbs 25:15

The Lord is calling us to be not just gentlemen but gentle men; to use our strength for good. May we pursue this virtue so that we can say with King David, 

“You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.” Psalm 18:35

Healing What's Within (Book Recommendation)

“Healing What’s Within: Coming Home to Yourself--and to God--When You're Wounded, Weary, and Wandering”

I want to take a moment to seriously recommend this book to any friends and family who might be interested. It was written by a psychologist who is also a pastor. Here’s a bit from the back of the book:

“So many of us carry a weight of buried pain. We may appear strong and resilient, but inside a storm brews from all the ways we’ve been hurt or harmed. Little by little, we become disconnected from who we truly are, learning to cope, to numb and suppress the ache within to keep us from suffering… (but) it’s never too late to start healing. God’s heart is always ready to help you find your way home.” 

A few things to mention:  

This is coming from a Christian perspective but I think it could be a remarkable guide to all people. 

Some of my more conservative friends might find a few parts that they think are “flaky”. I did too at first but I want to tell you this book really helped me. If it helps, view this book as a watermelon – if necessary, spit out some seeds but take advantage of all the remaining good fruit!

As I read through this book, I was constantly hit with new thoughts about a person's healing journey. I would even say that there were some personal epiphanies that have really benefitted my emotional and spiritual health.  

Consider, as the new year approaches, if this is a book that could help you “heal what’s within”. 

Purchase the book here.

Preview the book here.

“The spirit of man is the lamp of the LORD, searching all his innermost parts.” Proverbs 20:27

What is Self? A Christian Perspective

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Gen 1:27

Secular society tells us many things about Self, but what is a Christian perspective on Self?

Should we love it or hate it? Should it be treated with compassion or condemnation? Is it purely sinful or is it who we truly are? 

Before we even begin to try to answer these questions, it is helpful to see the different kinds of self. I would argue that there are at least three definitions of Self that we can gather from Scripture; definitions I will call The Sinful Self, the Personal Self and the Imaged Self. 

While these "Selves" are sure to overlap, I believe this framework can assist us in understanding our inner most being better and more clearly. 

The Sinful Self

The Sinful Self is not really our self at all but rather our sin nature (translated from the Greek sarx). English translations sometimes call it ‘the flesh’; not our physical bodies but rather a nature within us that we inherited from Adam and Eve and choose to use on a daily basis. As we read through Romans, we see this clearly:

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

“Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned…” Romans 5:12

We are not to love this Self.

The Personal Self

This Self is simply our practical everyday self with needs and wants that may or may not align with God’s will. Tellingly, Jesus commands us to deny ourself and take up our cross. 

Yet we know that it is correct to love this Self because we see that we are to love our neighbours as ourselves and that a husband should love his wife as himself.

"You shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Leviticus 19:18, Mark 12:31, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14 and James 2:8)

The problem with this Personal Self is that it is also prone to listen to the Sinful Self. When we become overly selfish or self-absorbed we are in sin. We are instead to follow the example of Jesus and live a life of self-sacrifice out of love for God and neighbour. 

The Imaged Self

I call this the Imaged Self for the simple reason that God made us in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:27). Sin has marred this perfect image (Genesis 3) yet the image still remains. 

While original sin may have been with us since our first parents, before that they were unsullied human beings created in God’s image. When God looked upon this particular creation, He said not only that it was good, but that it was very good. The Imaged Self came before the Sinful Self. The Imaged Self is still within all humans and is the truest and deepest Self. 

As Christians we tend to have the first two definitions drilled into us at an early age but often lose sight of the third, and arguably most important, one. 

I’ve struggled with self-esteem and self acceptance since early childhood; never knowing quite how to deal with these issues from a godly perspective. In fact, I’ve all too often hated my whole self because of my sin or the sins committed against me. 

I’m still working in these issues but it has been tremendously freeing to learn to separate my Sinful Self from my Imaged Self (see Paul in Romans 7:14-20). I realize that I am freely and deeply loved by God as he originally made me – no catches, no ‘buts’, unconditional. 

It’s not just that He loves everyone else, its that He loves me, personally. It's not just that he loves me in spite of my sin (God hates sin, but not self), he loves me because he made me in his image. And if He loves me, how could it be that I’m not allowed to love my Imaged Self too? 

Humility is so important for the Christian, but as theologian Gavin Ortlund points out: "Humility is not self-hatred...whatever else humility will require of you, it will never rob you of your dignity as an image bearer of God." 

It gets even better though.  We learn that not only did God love us enough to create us in His image and likeness, he also loved us enough to redeem our entire self.

 “…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 

So, being rooted and grounded in this love (Ephesians 3:14-19), we can say fully, freely and joyfully with Paul:

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

This, perhaps, is the ultimate definition of Self – what we could aptly call the Redeemed Self.  By acknowledging the ugliness of our Sinful Self and even Personal Self, and repenting and believing in Jesus’ redemption, we are brought ever closer to our truest, deepest, original Self. 

In this perspective, Jesus redeems all of our “Selves" and begins to fully restore the Imaged Self. We will still battle with our Sinful Self of course, but the Holy Spirit will be working in us, as we cooperate with him, until we are fully perfected one day in Heaven. 

Loved and accepted by God on both levels (creation and redemption), we can fully love and accept our Imaged Self as He does.  And once we have done this, we begin to (as C.S. Lewis advises) not think less of ourselves but think of ourselves less. 

“The gospel is that I am so sinful that Jesus had to die for me, yet so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. I can’t feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone.” Tim Keller

Grace, Sanctification & Vacuum Cleaners

 

Grace is like electricity. This is what a good friend reminded me of lately when he compared a Christian life to a vacuum cleaner. Let me explain.

The Christian’s justification occurs when we are initially “born again” and become a part of the family of God. The Christian’s sanctification occurs over the course of our lives after conversion, as we seek to obey Jesus and become more like him. 

Justification is entirely by God’s grace (Ephesians 2:8-9), whereas sanctification can be trickier as it seems to be a mix of grace and effort (Ephesians 2:10). Personally, I've always had a difficult time balancing grace and effort in my sanctification process. This little analogy has helped though. 

So how does grace work in our sanctification (or journey towards Christ-likeness)? 

This is where the vacuum cleaner analogy comes in. My friend shared that a vacuum is useless unless it is plugged into an energy source; and, likewise, Christians have no power unless they are plugged into (or “connected with”) Jesus Christ. Furthermore, what gives power to the vacuum is electricity – just as the power imbued to us through Christ is called grace. 

Jesus himself said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

That does not mean that effort on our part is unnecessary though. Like the vacuum that sits there with no one to push it, it cannot accomplish that which it was made for.  As Dallas Willard put it, 

“Grace is not opposed to effort; it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Effort is an action.”

Paul also said, "...I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me." 1 Corinthians 15:10

However, we can expend a lot of effort to push a vacuum cleaner around the entire house but it will accomplish nothing unless it is plugged in: only then can it perform that which it was designed to do.  

Similarly, as Christians, we can put all our strength and effort into becoming more like Jesus and still feel like we are failing. Why? Because only grace can accomplish what we are designed for. 

In the Christian experience, grace without effort will never allow us to reach our full potential or to glorify God as he deserves (I Corinthians 3:10-13). But, ultimately, effort is meaningless without grace. 

I was struck by this recently while reading an interview with a theologian. 

“When I sin, I still often tell God, ‘I’m sorry. *I’ll* do better next time.”, he said. “Of course, that is not a wrong desire…but these days, I’ve changed the prayer: 

‘God, I’m sorry. I’m totally powerless over this. Will *you* give me strength to change?” 

Its true that there is still some mystery about how grace and effort work together in our sanctification; but when I acknowledge that I’m a helpless sinner and truly rely on God’s grace to sanctify my life, that’s when I really plug in to the power source. 

"Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

Cruciform Masculinity

I recently read an article by a young man named Luke Simon entitled, “Why Gen Z Men like Me Are Staying in Church”. 

While he was referring largely to Gen Z males, I (a Gen X man) was struck by his writings on masculinity – especially this idea of a “Cruciform Masculinity”.  

He writes:

“In the church, Gen Z men like me are rejecting the false masculinities offered by the culture and finding an alternative—a cruciform masculinity. In his death, Jesus subverts the ego, dominance, and self-centeredness of toxic masculinity in a divine display of humility, sacrifice, and love. 

But the cross also challenges the soft, aimless version of manhood that avoids responsibility and purpose. Jesus’s example shows us that real manhood embraces responsibility, cultivates strength, and commits to a mission—not to serve oneself but to serve others.

At church, Gen Z men are still being called to sacrifice in a culture that taught them to live for themselves.

At church, we’re called to something higher. True masculinity is rooted in knowing who you are—your identity as a son of God—and in having a mission, a purpose worth giving your life to. 

It’s about taking action and showing agency, knowing you have the power to make a difference in your life, your family, and your community. It’s about leaning into a unique, God-given responsibility, entrusted with power to protect, care for, and defend the vulnerable.”

In a world with many extreme ideas about what it is to be a man – even a Christian man – the notion of “Cruciform Masculinity” may be just what we all need, regardless of our generation. 

Source:

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/gen-z-men-church/